Mean-Spirited With Slightly Sinister Undertones

I spent most of the past weekend in delicious anticipation.  Not for my birthday, which is coming up midweek.  Not for MLK Day (I actually had to work, and let me tell you, it was eerily quiet downtown today. But I digress).  No, I planned my weekend - grocery shopping, laundry, social life - around the Golden Globes.

The Globes have long been my favorite part of awards season for many of the same reasons they are looked down upon: the Hollywood Foreign Press Association and its inevitably surprising choices for nominees and winners; the hodgepodge of celebrities from television and film; the booze. Oh, the booze.

Of course, I am hardly the first to call attention to the Golden Globes' delightful informality, that schmoozy, gossipy high school reunion feel evoked by being dressed to the nines, seated according to social hierarchy and surrounded by friends, enemies, and alcohol.  This year, the Globes made no attempt to deny the party atmosphere and instead decided to embrace it.  The choice of Ricky Gervais as host, the copious scripted off-color jokes, Matt Damon's roast-style introduction of Robert DeNiro ... everything seemed to shout "see, we get it! We're the "fun" awards show! Don't you love this? Partaaaay!"

And then somehow it seemed to continue "My parents totally won't be home until ten o'clock, so we can get wild and crazy until then! ... Oh, but could you make sure and put a coaster on that table before you set down your beer?"  And just like that the party atmosphere was gone.



Now, it does seem quintessentially Hollywood to work so hard to replicate prior success that all joy and spontaneity is beaten out of the final product.  But that doesn't need to happen here.  There's no reason the Golden Globes can't retain their cool.  All they need is to remember a few things:

1) Subversive humor should actually be subversive. Ricky Gervais is an extremely talented comedian, but the burden of hosting an entire show - and living up to people's expectations of his snarky wit - seemed to have taken its toll Sunday night.  Many of his jokes seemed dated.  He grew meaner, but not funnier, as the night wore on. In my opinion, it was his position as authority figure that made the difference.  Rather than creating a spirit of rebellious camaraderie, as his cutting remarks tended to do in his previous less-scripted appearances, Gervais's quips made him seem like a sharp-toothed, smiling bully.  If (see point 2) and when the HFPA picks the next host, I suggest they look for one who gives off an earnest-yet-funny enough vibe that we both root for him/her to keep everything going smoothly and enjoy the occasional laugh at his/her expense. How about Gervais's American Office counterpart Steve Carell? Or the quick-witted and likeable Tina Fey?

2) Be flexible. Some years there just aren't five great nominees in a single category (ahem, comedy motion picture, I'm looking at you). So nominate two or three instead. The Golden Globes have a history of unusual categories (as Most Promising Male Star of 1962 Warren Beatty, so namechecked by his wife Sunday night, might remember).  Why not embrace the difference?  I'm not advocating for, like, the People's Choice categories or anything, but it would be nice to be more than just the abridged sum of the Oscars and the Emmys.  And why do the Globes need a host?  There are already presenters and an announcer, and since the Globes telecast features no technical awards, no musical performances and no Parade Of Dead People In Memoriam montage, there's really not much in the way of necessary segues.  In fact, the lack of a host to bridge the gaps between presenters might even make things more entertaining - whether it results in ad libbing, montages, or presenters handing things off to each other like relay race contestants. It could cut down on  airtime or allow for more categories (I've always wanted to see more recognition of ensemble acting, for instance, outside of the SAG Awards.  The Golden Globes seems like the perfect place for that).

3) For the love of God, get these people drunker.  I don't care if they have Ryan Seacrest mixing Manhattans on the red carpet (actually, that's not true. I would love to see that, and probably he has at some point worked as a bartender, or maybe he does now, since he has eight thousand jobs).  This is a televised party, for all intents and purposes. It's a sad day in Golden Globes history when preggers and (er, hopefully) sober Natalie Portman is loopier than anyone else onstage.

In other words, Golden Globes, quit trying so hard to be cool and just be yourself.