May I Suggest An Intervention? Jason Segel Edition

Well, it's Thursday, which at my office we like to call Snarky Thursday. So brace yourselves.

It's no secret that I am a Jason Segel fan. I've loved him since I first saw him walk the fine, fine line between sweet and creepy on Undeclared (since, of course, like everyone else, I managed to miss Freaks and Geeks during its actual television tenure). I've rejoiced in his success of the past few years, as his excellent work on How I Met Your Mother and his membership in the golden Judd Apatow League has paid off.

However, it must be said that with great celebrity comes great responsibility. And we the fans can't remain silent in our concern when someone as talented as Segel starts to go off the rails. And oh, Jason, honey, your fans expect better from you.

Exhibit A: Jason in his young, unsuccessful days toiling in obscurity on Freaks and Geeks.


Cute, right? So young! So curly-headed! So clean-cut! (Particularly when you consider he's playing a perpetual stoner, and that according to his interviews - and Seth Rogen's - none of those guys were exactly unfamiliar with that lifestyle).


Exhibit B: The early days of How I Met Your Mother.

OK, he's gained some weight, but I think he wears it well. He looks more mature, right? He's got shorter hair, maybe a little more product, but still with the boy-next-door appeal in a 6'4" man. Plus he's playing Marshall Eriksen, who is in fact my favorite Segel character -- a lot of endearing goofiness, a bit of swagger, and a few healthy dashes of crazy, with a nice balance overall. Believable, attractive, but still hilarious.

Say it with me: Awwwww. Don't you want to take him home?

NO. No, you do not. Trust me. Even if you didn't read the incredibly disturbing Rolling Stone profile awhile back in which he mentions both his mansion full of puppets and his night terrors, and also in which Russell freaking Brand describes him as a manwhore, I give you:



Exhibit C.


SERIOUSLY? This is just depressing. Jason, you are so much better than this. You can afford to buy clean clothes that fit you! We know you have good hair, even if it's receding just a little. But you MUST WASH AND CUT IT. And you are not Brad Pitt. Which is a good thing. So lose the hat.

Also: please stop palling around the Chateau Marmont with the likes of the Lohan. This is not good for anyone. Thank you. Call me.

Yours, Robin